My Fickle Universe

My week has been crazier than seven witches cackling around a cauldron of stone soup!

Too many days have passed since I last posted. That in no way, however, represents the amount I have been thinking, reflecting, or crying about teaching. I had my first almost-quarter-life crisis last week. I started doing that thing that all college students do before embarking on a journey into the unknown land of business casual: questioning my path. While I do like teaching, I feel that the practice of disciplining, grading, and hollering have really covered my passions in a layer of foul-smelling kid germs. I want to love it. I know that I won't love it it every day, but I want to love it most days. Loving Literature and teaching children are far different worlds and while I am adjusting and the kids are enjoying me, most days I just want to love Literature. I don't like having to ask kids to stop talking every time I want to talk. I have only two rules: don't be rude and be respectful. The first falls under the latter really, but that is how I break it down for them. I tell them when they are being rude and it usually works for about five seconds. Not a bad deal, eh? I just want to read literature and talk about it! Let's write some good stuff too.

So Sunday there I was, all hugging my knees to my chest in my living room, wondering what the hell I would do with myself if I didn't go into teaching and thinking of all the different ailments that I could fake on Monday when it came to me that I no longer wanted to be a teacher! I decided to graduate and then figure it out. Monday I went into school and CT asked how I was doing, I told the truth, she basically offered me a job.
The universe toys with me.

I am, of course, going to give it a shot before writing it off. I just want to be a student forever. Write papers. Read books. Drink coffee. Sleep late. Think all the time about all the questions that I will never have answers for, all the while, simply loving the questions themselves. Alas, I must try what I have worked so hard for...then grad school. Seven years!

I am pulling myself out of this abysmal life confusion. Student teaching is a crazy, demon hell ride. My knuckles are white and I am doing my best to hang on.

I saw a sneak preview of Lions for Lambs, the new Robert Redford movie. Go see it. No joke. Go. As soon as it comes out.