Reaping what I sow

Honor Code Violations at my school are the worst possible offence that a good, dedicated student could get. As you probably inferred, an HCV is given to those who cheat. This HCV will be recorded on said person's college transcript and it is up to the teacher whether offender is able to resubmit the assignment. I was a virgin to the HCV until a month ago when a sweet little girl in my honors class plagiarised on her biggest assignment of the year: the research paper that we had been working on for three months. She plead ignorance, I claimed that I had taught her the skills needed in order to avoid being ignorant; a small difference of opinion. Either way, I won, she cried, her mother's forehead became wrinkled with "This will ruin her future" thoughts and I ended up letting her resubmit. Don't let my constant jesting tone lessen the intensity of this situation...it is, for justifiable reasons, very serious. It was difficult for me to do (especially when a 16 year old kid is boo-hooing all in my face) and I was very unsure of myself.

All that is to say that sometimes when teaching gets really hard (because it will...often) and you think you are really meant to be hiking through the Swiss Alps or picketing your way through the Southeast, a certain thing will happen that reminds you that teaching doesn't suck. Sometimes, and very rarely, it makes you cry happy tears (if you are the crying type of course) and helps you realize that you did something here, today, and you aren't still standing around waiting for life to happen. This little girl's mother did that for me. The following email was sent from her mom in response to an email where I expressed happiness that her daughter decided to turn this misfortune into a learning opportunity.

Hello C,

Thank you so very much for the kind note. I want to thank you also for your courage in this situation as I know that it could not have been easy for you. I truly do believe that you did the right thing by bringing up an issue that could have potentially lead to greater failures for Eve* in the future. This issue really extends beyond just the paper, but encompasses Eve's need to take responsibility for her success, as a student and individual. Life's lessons come in many different packages and it was a good one that came at the right time.
You have taught me something as well this year. First, although as parents we always want to "fix things" for our children--they actually are capable of dealing with some things and the consequences themselves. Had Eve not dealt with this situation, I do believe she would not have learned the valuable lessons as a result. Second, perhaps, our expectations (as parents) need to be calibrated so that we truly understand the plight of our children. For the first time, in many years, Eve shared with me the amount of pressure she has been under to "achieve" and that she has felt lost and under-prepared for longer than I (or anyone else for that matter ) knew.
So you see, some things happen for a reason. It's been a tough year for Eve (and us!) but I think she is stronger and better for it. Know that you have contributed to the development of a better and stronger person who will , hopefully, move forward in the direction we all wish.
I hope you enjoyed your first year as a high school teacher and hope to see you in the fall.
Have a fantastic summer!

Kindly and all the best,

Evelyn*

Wow, huh?
Teachers don't become teachers for a pat on the back, we don't do it for a stress free lifestyle, and we damn sure don't keep coming back because the county sees to it we all have lofty bank accounts. I guess teachers, the ones who suck it up and stick it out for a long time, are really just suckers for the reality that weaves our lives and the lives of others into our work. The golden thread of humanity, people, and their stories ties us to our commitments when we feel like fleeing the most.

Work as an educator isn't just work or a job with the summers off, it's life that never stops and a reality that is hard to face, that at times, can fill me up with tight-chested thoughts and leave me spinning towards the days end with thoughts of my student's home lives, hardships, and the injustices that they unknowingly face. Now that it is all said and done, I think I have learned to appreciate the realness of this work environment and the way it leaves us all vulnerable to one another. No veneers of "professionalism" from the students or the parents...they are sad so they cry, they are happy so they do a silly dance, and when they are pissed off I hear them loud and clear. I have never functioned in a place like this before. The idea that I am doing something for other people and deserve a letter of thanks like that still seems a bit foreign to me, but I dig it and it makes me feel like I have at least done one thing this semester that didn't screw somebody up.

Basically, I guess the wonderful things about teaching (which are few and far between) keep us here...for at least another year.

*Student and mother's names have been changed to protect privacy.

"Dulce Et Decorum Est"

As I move forcefully into the finality of my first year as a teacher I am trying to find time for reflection. There are moments that my gaze will catch a particular grease stain on my bulletin board and I begin fantasizing of my summer yet to come, the half-finished books that I will conquer, the yoga that I will master, and, most importantly, the kids that I will not be responsible for.

This year has most definitely been filled with the most unpleasant of events. My advice to any new teacher is to make sure you try your damnedest to have your life looking as nice as the most meticulously manicured lawn.

The urban twister took me by surprise, losing my most significant kitty companion has left me lonely, being in one living situation after the next has made me feel even less grounded than usual, and the occasional bandits that somehow weaseled their ways into my life made out with years of soiled memories and pieces of me left me heart-broken and disenchanted with the goodness my daddy so often told me about. I bid them farewell and my foundations farewell with the all the grace I could muster, I cried on the way to work listening to political pipe dreams on NPR, and somehow...somehow...dried my tears, mustered my courage, and faced those hooligans, their unforgiving and impossible to satisfy parents, and my administrators who were all too busy to observe my teaching, but never to busy for the occasional, "Why, shouldn't you be wearing a nicer pair of slacks?"

No contest: the most difficult thing about teaching is getting yourself in order.

Even the most organized of professionals can't find enough hanging files and color coded stickers to keep the mess out of his/her life. I guess you just have to fight it and keep going. What else would you do? Give up.

I felt enough like a Baptist preacher telling kids that each test was important and that research skills would get all of them far in life, knowing damn well that most would only need to research the nearest pizza delivery spot. There's no way I could have begged them not to give up and quit myself.

As much as they weighed my heart my down, at times, they were the only thing that kept me going. God, or whoever wants people to make life easier on the rest of us, bless their stinky little hearts.

High School Daze

Summer break starts in two weeks and I have had a revelation:

Teachers Deserve a Summer Break!

There are many people in the world who, sitting behind their cherry oak desks, sipping on their grande non-fat latte's, gripe about how easy teacher's have it because we get the summer's off. I invite these people into my classroom for a day...if they could take it. My students would eat your up and barf you out, then throw you at thier friends and laugh. So, instead of going nuts on anyone in a 10 foot radius because I am forced to teach 12 months out of the year, I am going to visit my best friend in Austin, TX. One way ticket! Maybe I'll fall in love with the town, listen to some banjos, see bats in their natural habitat, road trip, swim in spring-fed pools, jump off rocks, and get back to my mother. I need a break from snot, saggy pants, kid's dumb senses of humor, people saying my name on repeat, peole needing me so much, being disappointed, wanting more money, waking up insanely early, wishing for more effort, raising my voice, grading papers, faculty meetings, awkward work events, "dressing up," talking to parents, making sacrifices to stubborn copy machines, counseling colleagues, dealing with the politics, and basically just working harder than I ever have in my entire life. I deserve it damn it.

My brain has been working in spurts (ahhhh, sprinklers! Summer! Bliss!) so I will share recent events in a like manner.

This week is Teacher Appreciation Week which means nothing except we get cupcakes after school and corny poems that the PTA comes up with. It's real cute.
I must be a badass teacher lady though because this week I got two $50 tickets to a Braves game from a student, homemade brownies sans laxative, a really kind thank you card, and a plant for my room. Pretty cool. I also only worked three days, one of which being casual Fridays which aren't real work days. If I could wear jeans every day I would never feel like I was really working! Ha.

Yesterday I had an interview with a Peace Corps recruiter. While the Peace Corps is an option I am always reminded that there are more. I probably won't be able to travel to South America with the Peace Corps, which is what I would like to to first. I did catch wind of a job/volunteer opportunity for next year in Honduras and a huge part of me wants to do it. There is also a summer camp. I think that the best option for me is to stay here one year and make money, save it all, then begin my voyage be it with Peace Corps or at an International School.
At the Peace Corps office there was a picture of George W. on the wall, it gave me the creeps and I wanted to leave. I know that if/when I do Peace Corps it'll be Obama or Hillz on the wall, which will make my uneasiness slip away.

Oh oh, oh! I got my first rumor today! Apparently I am the first pregnant lesbian teacher at my high school. Not saying a pregnant lesbian is impossible (I am no moron), but I would like to point out that high schoolers are even sloppy with their rumors.

Five full days to go then vamos!