I am trying to wrap up the last day of 2007 (good riddance!) by preparing like crazy for the first few days of 2008. I begin work on Friday and the kids come galloping in the following Monday. I am completely freaked out. Completely.
I know that I will be teaching some genre of literature and that the kids should be ready to begin research on particular authors that their teacher-formerly known as super slack- should have already set up with each of them. Probably hasn't. I will have to. I am trying to read all of the short stories in my binder that I may, possibly, any chance in hell, teach to them so that I am one step ahead. I feel that is how I will shuffle through these first few months...one step ahead of every kid.
As far as the newspaper class goes, I had a brief tutorial with an old friend on InDesign and Photoshop. Um, so, we'll see.
I have definitely been that annoying first year teacher who is coming in mid-year and emailing all of my future colleagues with questions and planning ideas (which we decided we would do before the break) and have only heard from my darling, across the hall, neighbor who I love. She is in her second year and remembers the fear that floods the hearts of new teachers. She is also, um, 23, just like me. Well, I will be 23 on Wednesday. THEN all of the ridiculous holiday parties can stop and I can get back to watching TVD's and reading books all by my lonesome.
I think that 2008 will be good because I want it to be. I am going to start getting my travel on which is what makes my heart flutter the most. First trip is to NY in January (bad timing, I know...irresponsible, maybe) and I am excited to fly on an airplane all alone for the first time in my whole, tiny little life. Teeny little steps to get me started on a grand adventure! I will not rely on luck or fate or any of those other invisibles that I don't believe in. No collard greens and black eyed peas will lead me to happiness this year; I will. All by myself and all growed up.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
Merry Christmas $1.84
This one was inspired by a cryptic history.
--------------------------------------------------------
If only my mailbox could muster the courage to form the words you must’ve meant.
As if a little glitter is enough to patch up a hole in the wall that begs the bitter wind enter safely.
Or a check hidden in a fold could buy back skinned knees, honor roll certificates, pre-feminist playground games, post-pubescent heart troubles, the first rally, the first and second graduations?
All things spectacular, mediocre - a fall from Grace,
a journey to enlightenment - have rushed past without your knowing.
Hallmark certainly doesn’t erase snotty noses, smoking barrels, swallowed fearlumps, or sheets hiding tiny, tear-stained faces from a troubled memory.
The days of sugar and spice and everything nice are long gone and the evenings completed by mothball scented animal crackers have been tucked into the depths of forgetfulness.
The only thing worse than a Driftwood Dad is the older generation of bandits that acted as his accomplices.
And if you knew me at all you would know that I hate pink and don’t believe in angels.
--------------------------------------------------------
If only my mailbox could muster the courage to form the words you must’ve meant.
As if a little glitter is enough to patch up a hole in the wall that begs the bitter wind enter safely.
Or a check hidden in a fold could buy back skinned knees, honor roll certificates, pre-feminist playground games, post-pubescent heart troubles, the first rally, the first and second graduations?
All things spectacular, mediocre - a fall from Grace,
a journey to enlightenment - have rushed past without your knowing.
Hallmark certainly doesn’t erase snotty noses, smoking barrels, swallowed fearlumps, or sheets hiding tiny, tear-stained faces from a troubled memory.
The days of sugar and spice and everything nice are long gone and the evenings completed by mothball scented animal crackers have been tucked into the depths of forgetfulness.
The only thing worse than a Driftwood Dad is the older generation of bandits that acted as his accomplices.
And if you knew me at all you would know that I hate pink and don’t believe in angels.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
The end of an era
As I stumbled across the stage to receive proof that I am an educated lady today I didn't feel that overwhelming, stomach in your throat excitement that a college graduate, teary-eyed, mouth-watering with a sense of accomplishment should feel. I felt more of a nostalgia for the times I had in college, and the books I studied, the authors I became acquainted with, and the new methods for reasoning that I learned. I felt a genuine nostalgia for learning.
I worry that I will not write as much now that I have no cue card telling me what to focus my ideas around. I fear that I will become lazy in my life as a career girl, going and coming every day, just as the thousands around me do. Maybe because I have this fear I won't allow it to happen. It has only happened once before and rode into my life on the shoulders of contentment. A very close scholar friend of mine once told me of this quote friend he likes that states "the future belongs to the discontented." I never want to feel that sense of paralyzing contentment again. What a terrible sensation; that one's life has been lived.
Last night a cookie told me that the best times of my life have yet to be lived. I only hope that the God of the Cookies meant for me to retrieve that fortune. I only hope that is true.
New Plans include learning Spanish to help my chances of getting into a better grad school. Begin studying for the GRE as soon as possible so when I take it I will kick it's smarty-pants testing ass, and get into a great grad school.
It was strange to see my college friends and favorite professors for the last time. Very strange.
I move into my room tomorrow...not that I have much to move in. If you would like to send me a token of you to put in my classroom for decor (a porcelain elephant, your lucky stone, a picture of a rhinoceros eating spaghetti that you love, etc.) let me know and I will gladly put it on my desk and think of you every time I see it.
I worry that I will not write as much now that I have no cue card telling me what to focus my ideas around. I fear that I will become lazy in my life as a career girl, going and coming every day, just as the thousands around me do. Maybe because I have this fear I won't allow it to happen. It has only happened once before and rode into my life on the shoulders of contentment. A very close scholar friend of mine once told me of this quote friend he likes that states "the future belongs to the discontented." I never want to feel that sense of paralyzing contentment again. What a terrible sensation; that one's life has been lived.
Last night a cookie told me that the best times of my life have yet to be lived. I only hope that the God of the Cookies meant for me to retrieve that fortune. I only hope that is true.
New Plans include learning Spanish to help my chances of getting into a better grad school. Begin studying for the GRE as soon as possible so when I take it I will kick it's smarty-pants testing ass, and get into a great grad school.
It was strange to see my college friends and favorite professors for the last time. Very strange.
I move into my room tomorrow...not that I have much to move in. If you would like to send me a token of you to put in my classroom for decor (a porcelain elephant, your lucky stone, a picture of a rhinoceros eating spaghetti that you love, etc.) let me know and I will gladly put it on my desk and think of you every time I see it.
Monday, December 10, 2007
I wanna do right, but not right now
I was laying flat-backed in the park yesterday making shapes out of the clouds instead of planning. After I spotted an ogre and a little squirrel crouching on a paper airplane, I began reading The Unbearable Lightness of Being, instead of planning. This book was recommended to me by at least three of my closest friends and they all suggested that I "read it now, it'll be good for you." Conclusion: my friends think I am a crazy woman right now.
Since my job offer last week I've been thinking too much about what career life entails. Here I am, a 22 year-old kid signing up for life insurance when I barely have any life to insure! I have to choose a health plan, and think about a 401k or a 503b or something like that! It's nuts really, this transition to adulthood. Actually, I take that back, the work "transition" suggests a progression (digression) or a movement through stages..this is not. It is as if Adulthood and his pals car insurance, doctor bills, rent, phone bills, medical bills, and all the other Bills that they know just moved in unannounced to my tiny studio apartment. There are so many things you are supposed to know as an adult, like which boxes to check on the confusing tax forms, who to call when your car breaks down, how to politely deny the Jehovah Witnesses that show up at your door (as a kid you can just cut out the lights and lay on the floor until they leave), or what a flexible spending plan is (?). When do you learn these things? Is there a handbook?
Mostly though, I have been considering this notion of planning to achieve our goals. We plan, the plan is set, we reach the goal, then we are done.
It seems I have achieved this big goal and now I have to create a new list. That is what I will be replacing planning with today.
Still just sketching out ideas on the design for my life.
Since my job offer last week I've been thinking too much about what career life entails. Here I am, a 22 year-old kid signing up for life insurance when I barely have any life to insure! I have to choose a health plan, and think about a 401k or a 503b or something like that! It's nuts really, this transition to adulthood. Actually, I take that back, the work "transition" suggests a progression (digression) or a movement through stages..this is not. It is as if Adulthood and his pals car insurance, doctor bills, rent, phone bills, medical bills, and all the other Bills that they know just moved in unannounced to my tiny studio apartment. There are so many things you are supposed to know as an adult, like which boxes to check on the confusing tax forms, who to call when your car breaks down, how to politely deny the Jehovah Witnesses that show up at your door (as a kid you can just cut out the lights and lay on the floor until they leave), or what a flexible spending plan is (?). When do you learn these things? Is there a handbook?
Mostly though, I have been considering this notion of planning to achieve our goals. We plan, the plan is set, we reach the goal, then we are done.
It seems I have achieved this big goal and now I have to create a new list. That is what I will be replacing planning with today.
Still just sketching out ideas on the design for my life.
Friday, November 30, 2007
The Payoff
I am gonna be able to pay rent in January 2008 and my Christmas break is going to be a demon hell-ride.
Sshhh.
Now all I have to do is force myself to finish up this end of school madness.
Oh, oh, and Chicago is my new favorite city, Kentucky has beautiful colors, and Memphis has secrets in every single crack of every single brick in every aging house on her streets.
Sshhh.
Now all I have to do is force myself to finish up this end of school madness.
Oh, oh, and Chicago is my new favorite city, Kentucky has beautiful colors, and Memphis has secrets in every single crack of every single brick in every aging house on her streets.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Arundhati Roy
She writes beautifully. I am a true believer that the things you bring into your life should be right for that time. God of Small Things is right for me right now.
I want to share some of her words because they make sense and have an innocence about them; an innocence that carries wisdom on it's shoulders. William Blake would probably disagree.
"Smells, like music, hold memory. She breathed deep and bottled it up for posterity."
"Memory was that woman on the train. Insane in the way she sifted through dark things in a closet and emerged with the most unlikely ones -- a fleeting look, a feeling. The smell of smoke. A mother's marble eyes. Quite sane in the way she left huge tracts of darkness veiled. Unremembered."
"She hadn't learned to control her Hopes yet."
"Our dreams have been doctored. We belong nowhere. We sail unanchored on troubled seas. We may never be allowed ashore. Our sorrows will never be sad enough. Our joys never happy enough. Our dreams never big enough. Our lives never important enough. To matter." (Uncle talking to niece and nephew about being 'prisoners' of war)
"She wore flowers in her hair and carried magic secrets in her eyes."
[my favorite]
"Perhaps it's true that things can change in a day. That a few dozen hours can affect the outcome of whole lifetimes. And that when they do, those few dozen hours, like the salvaged remains of burned house -- the charred clock, the singed photograph, the scorched furniture -- must be resurrected from the ruins and examined. Preserved. Accounted for."
Ideas: A viable dying age. A Design for Life. Love Laws.
It's a really good book so far and I suggest it to anyone who is looking for a book (all six of you who read this). I guess it is hard to represent her skill with excerpts taken out of context, but really, trust me. It'll make you smile at memories you had forgotten about.
"And the things you can't remember tells the things you can't forget that history puts a saint in every dream." -Tom Waits
I want to share some of her words because they make sense and have an innocence about them; an innocence that carries wisdom on it's shoulders. William Blake would probably disagree.
"Smells, like music, hold memory. She breathed deep and bottled it up for posterity."
"Memory was that woman on the train. Insane in the way she sifted through dark things in a closet and emerged with the most unlikely ones -- a fleeting look, a feeling. The smell of smoke. A mother's marble eyes. Quite sane in the way she left huge tracts of darkness veiled. Unremembered."
"She hadn't learned to control her Hopes yet."
"Our dreams have been doctored. We belong nowhere. We sail unanchored on troubled seas. We may never be allowed ashore. Our sorrows will never be sad enough. Our joys never happy enough. Our dreams never big enough. Our lives never important enough. To matter." (Uncle talking to niece and nephew about being 'prisoners' of war)
"She wore flowers in her hair and carried magic secrets in her eyes."
[my favorite]
"Perhaps it's true that things can change in a day. That a few dozen hours can affect the outcome of whole lifetimes. And that when they do, those few dozen hours, like the salvaged remains of burned house -- the charred clock, the singed photograph, the scorched furniture -- must be resurrected from the ruins and examined. Preserved. Accounted for."
Ideas: A viable dying age. A Design for Life. Love Laws.
It's a really good book so far and I suggest it to anyone who is looking for a book (all six of you who read this). I guess it is hard to represent her skill with excerpts taken out of context, but really, trust me. It'll make you smile at memories you had forgotten about.
"And the things you can't remember tells the things you can't forget that history puts a saint in every dream." -Tom Waits
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Final Assignment
This is my last week of teaching.
My final assignment for the kids is one that is completely for my personal gain. I am asking them to write a letter to me. Before writing I want them to reflect on the time that we have spent together and think of things (whatever it may be) that they have learned from me. I hoping to get big picture lessons, not the steps of a heroes journey or how to write a character analysis. I am (secretly) hoping for them to have learned to ask questions, to think before they speak, to not be rude, to be respectful of all things and people, to live deliberately. I want to know if they have grown with me or if I have ignited any interests in their lives. I hope so. It's what I want to do. If not, I will take that too.
I am asking for their advice because they are the ones who matter. Not the supervisor who is watching me, not the teachers who compliment my growth, not even my extremely critical views of myself. Alright, I guess those opinions do matter, but I am still most interested in hearing what those kids have to say.
I will enjoy reading 130 letters while I am on the road over the holidays.
Yes! I have a plan, I am going to see things I have never seen, going to smell new smells, and touch new buildings! I am going to unscrew my head and let all the moths fly out of it with my best girl at my side. I will not be working on my Impact on Student Learning or my online portfolio (vomit) because my collapsing innards are most important now. I need to breath some fresh breaths and blink twice and pinch myself, so I am gonna do it. It doesn't make sense says my diminishing savings account, but life doesn't make much sense all the time either. Neither do the plans we have created or the goals that we have reached.
I don't wanna graduate college, I want to continue writing papers, and engaging in larger than life discussions with classmates and professors. But really, I gotta go figure out what I need because somehow, on my path to this "ultimate goal" of college graduation, I have forgotten what that is. Oh Lordy, I hope I can wrap my tired little hands around some type of idea - a design for my life.
I sure am gonna miss my mama's collard greens though and her sweet, familiar smell that always reminds me of home. That smell is my only home. She is quite a lady.
My final assignment for the kids is one that is completely for my personal gain. I am asking them to write a letter to me. Before writing I want them to reflect on the time that we have spent together and think of things (whatever it may be) that they have learned from me. I hoping to get big picture lessons, not the steps of a heroes journey or how to write a character analysis. I am (secretly) hoping for them to have learned to ask questions, to think before they speak, to not be rude, to be respectful of all things and people, to live deliberately. I want to know if they have grown with me or if I have ignited any interests in their lives. I hope so. It's what I want to do. If not, I will take that too.
I am asking for their advice because they are the ones who matter. Not the supervisor who is watching me, not the teachers who compliment my growth, not even my extremely critical views of myself. Alright, I guess those opinions do matter, but I am still most interested in hearing what those kids have to say.
I will enjoy reading 130 letters while I am on the road over the holidays.
Yes! I have a plan, I am going to see things I have never seen, going to smell new smells, and touch new buildings! I am going to unscrew my head and let all the moths fly out of it with my best girl at my side. I will not be working on my Impact on Student Learning or my online portfolio (vomit) because my collapsing innards are most important now. I need to breath some fresh breaths and blink twice and pinch myself, so I am gonna do it. It doesn't make sense says my diminishing savings account, but life doesn't make much sense all the time either. Neither do the plans we have created or the goals that we have reached.
I don't wanna graduate college, I want to continue writing papers, and engaging in larger than life discussions with classmates and professors. But really, I gotta go figure out what I need because somehow, on my path to this "ultimate goal" of college graduation, I have forgotten what that is. Oh Lordy, I hope I can wrap my tired little hands around some type of idea - a design for my life.
I sure am gonna miss my mama's collard greens though and her sweet, familiar smell that always reminds me of home. That smell is my only home. She is quite a lady.
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