Monday, May 19, 2008

"Dulce Et Decorum Est"

As I move forcefully into the finality of my first year as a teacher I am trying to find time for reflection. There are moments that my gaze will catch a particular grease stain on my bulletin board and I begin fantasizing of my summer yet to come, the half-finished books that I will conquer, the yoga that I will master, and, most importantly, the kids that I will not be responsible for.
This year has most definitely been filled with the most unpleasant of events. My advice to any new teacher is to make sure you try your damnedest to have your life looking as nice as the most meticulously manicured lawn.

The urban twister took me by surprise, losing my most significant kitty companion has left me lonely, being in one living situation after the next has made me feel even less grounded than usual, and the occasional bandits that somehow weaseled their ways into my life made out with years of soiled memories and pieces of me left me heart-broken and disenchanted with the goodness my daddy so often told me about. I bid them farewell and my foundations farewell with the all the grace I could muster, I cried on the way to work listening to political pipe dreams on NPR, and somehow...somehow...dried my tears, mustered my courage, and faced those hooligans, their unforgiving and impossible to satisfy parents, and my administrators who were all too busy to observe my teaching, but never to busy for the occasional, "Why, shouldn't you be wearing a nicer pair of slacks?"

No contest: the most difficult thing about teaching is getting yourself in order.
Even the most organized of professionals can't find enough hanging files and color coded stickers to keep the mess out of his/her life. I guess you just have to fight it and keep going. What else would you do? Give up.

I felt enough like a Baptist preacher telling kids that each test was important and that research skills would get all of them far in life, knowing damn well that most would only need to research the nearest pizza delivery spot. There's no way I could have begged them not to give up and quit myself.

As much as they weighed my heart my down, at times, they were the only thing that kept me going. God, or whoever wants people to make life easier on the rest of us, bless their stinky little hearts.

No comments: